It All Came Tumbling Down: Part 6
Mindy chastises Alistair.
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash
October 2014
[continued from Part 5]
Mindy stared at Owen through the fire, knowing in her heart the shame he was feeling in the face of his younger brother’s announcement of autonomy. She watched the bulge of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed back tears and tension, feeling weak with his arm around a woman who was unknowingly confirming it.
She was proud of Landon for choosing his own path, although she’d always known he would. While she herself was not religious, she was bothered less by the thought of her son as a priest and more by the knowledge that Alistair, in his stiff-necked bullheadedness, would never condone it and thus, the division within the family would continue to expand.
But simultaneously, Mindy felt great compassion for Owen and concern as to how Lucas’ life would pan out. It had become clear not long before that he was attracted to men, another development that Alistair had closed himself up to and refused to be affected by.
Mindy loved her daughter dearly but the love she held for her sons was different—more tender, despite the alcohol she frequently imbibed to escape the reality of all that she felt.
Overwhelmed by the emotions swarming through her as she stared around the fire at her children, she felt alone. Then, she felt enraged—enraged solely at Alistair for being so distant and so impossible to please. She pictured him, likely reclining alone in his cigar room, retreating from his family’s circumstances and leaving Mindy on her own to cope with it.
“Excuse me,” she said, standing up and walking toward the house, her heels tapping with purpose across the concrete. She shut the door behind her aggressively and made her way toward the basement, marching angrily down the stairs where, just as she’d predicted, Alistair sat behind his desk staring into the darkness with a cigar between his lips.
His expression only shifting with a raised eyebrow as his wife barged in. “You selfish son of a bitch, Ali,” Mindy exploded. “How the hell did you become such a coward?”
He sighed, shaking his head in irritation. “Mindy…”
“You have no comprehension of what it means to be a father, or even a man,” she went on. “Your sons are nothing but pawns to you, just like everyone else. When they don’t make the same choices you would, you write them off.”
“I haven’t written off Owen—”
“Not yet, because he’s following in your footsteps. But if he doesn’t end things with Kaya soon, you’ll shut him out. I know you will. She’s not good enough for you.”
Alistair swirled his bourbon and took a sip, buying himself some time to prepare a response. His wife’s intuition, frankly, threatened him and he saw it as a cog in the wheel of his desires. He didn’t want to acknowledge the underlying motives for why he did the things he did. He simply wanted to get on and do them. But when she named his weaknesses, his selfish and shallow objectives, he felt exposed and bare.
“Mindy, you’re worked up—”
“I am, yes. You’re a stranger in this home. A ghost.”
“But the one who pays for it.”
Mindy snorted. “That’s your single claim of value in this family. You provide the money. When is the last time you made time for any of us, aside from Owen at the office?”
“You have no idea what kind of pressure I’m under simply to provide this lifestyle for us, Mindy.” His tone was becoming deeper, louder. He didn’t like being attacked by her but more than anything, he hated how she nudged him toward acknowledging that he ought to change. Alistair wasn’t capable of change. It required too much vulnerability and of that, he was terrified. “Your regular spa dates. The universities. The private school tuition.”
“All pennies to you, my dear, and we all know it. Don’t change the subject and make yourself the victim. The point is that your children despise you. Every damn one of them.”
“I don’t aim to be liked, Mindy. I aim to be respected.”
She snorted again. “Well, that’s something you don’t have even from me. I think you’re a damned coward.”
She slammed the door and went back upstairs where she found Laura rinsing glasses in the sink. She turned to look at her mother, who forced a smile while choking back tears. Her boney chest rose and fell dramatically with the sobs she refused to release.
“Mom,” Laura whispered warmly, moving closer to embrace her. Unable to restrain her weeping anymore, Mindy bawled in her daughter’s arms. She’d always felt more friendliness from Laura than anyone in her life, though Laura felt little authentic love for her mother.
“I’m sorry,” Mindy said, stepping back to compose herself.
“Don’t be sorry,” Laura replied quietly, not particularly consolingly. “Dad’s a prick. You were right to stand up for Landon.”
“I’m lost, Laura. What am I supposed to do? You and Owen, you’re grown. But I’ve got one eighteen-year-old who’s gay and won’t speak of it, and another who now wants to be a priest when I don’t have the slightest notion of a God.”
Laura bounced between feeling compassion for her mother’s bewilderment and wanting to scream that she’d brought it all upon herself, enabling a toxic father figure for years.
“None of us has any notion of a God,” she finally replied. “It’s not just you.”
“Well, apparently Landon does,” Mindy said. She picked up a towel and began drying the glasses Laura had washed. They stood in silence finishing the dishes together.
Downstairs, Alistair sat alone in darkness, both externally and internally. Knowing that another one of his children would not be joining in his line of work only intensified his desire to mold Owen into a man he could be proud of. He puffed his cigar and pulled out his phone to type a message.
It’s time to get rid of Kaya, he wrote.